Confuzzled

There are many things in this life that I frankly cannot comprehend. It’s not that I am unintelligent, (not to blow my own trumpet) but rather that they are just so baffling that the mere process of trying to logically work out their existence leaves my brain throbbing and impedes any other thoughts for the rest of the day. One such complexity is the idea of plastic sunglasses with horizontal lines across the lenses, so called "Shutter Shades". These fashion accessories just stump me. Why on earth would you want to look like Kanye West? And does it not look like you are trapped in a pink plastic prison?

• · Baldness- the skinhead look doesn’t suit many of those who choose to sport it. The line between looking like a genius (Lex Luther), or a thug is extremely thin and therefore most skin heads, whilst assuming they now look like Nietzsche, actually look like a Nazi.

• · Peas. Small, round, and green, they are like weirder versions of those hairy, odd pollen balls that stick to your clothes on a sunny afternoon stroll through a meadow. Mr peas is as perplexed by my dislike of peas as I am by the existence of them. “But they don’t taste of anything!” Exactly my point. Small, green, round, and tasteless.

• · Imagine two gentlemen sat in a beautiful, English lounge, pipes in mouth, tea in hand. All of a sudden, one of them sits up and vocalises an idea he has been pondering on for the last few seconds; that of a vast holey lawn, a small, heavy, pitted ball and a stick with a blob at the end. Well blow me down with a feather. What an amazing idea! Hit the ball into the hole, pick it out, and hit it into another hole! Riveting.

Mr peas is my lobster.