Dear slugs.

Dearest eyebrows,
You and I have had a love/hate relationship for nearly 22 years now. Whilst I fully appreciate that you are an obligatory piece of face furniture (Two rugs as it were, ornamenting my eyes)and that should you be lost, I would look rather more like ET, I just wish you would grow a little more evenly.

Right eyebrow, you have a lovely figure, your end joins into a beautiful point and I rarely have to tame you. However, where you meet the edge of my nose is always unkempt with hairs sticking out here, there and everywhere and no matter how much I attack you with my pretty pink eyebrow shaver, you never seem to get the idea.

Left eyebrow, you should follow the lead of your friend a little more. I know he irritates you with his perfection, but would you just once please bend a little more in the right direction? I appreciate that the scar under you doesn't do you any favours, but if you jut grew a little more downwards, you could obscure him from sight..

I know I don't always groom you as I should, and that often I leave you days on end without any attention, and I did apologise for singeing you that one time, but you are rather central to my general facial features, and are rather letting the side down.

Is it too much to ask that you start pulling your weight towards the mess that is my face?

Thanking you in advance,
miss Peas.